The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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