rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
that's an acceptable place to lick
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
