I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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