I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
