she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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