Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
