I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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