Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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