My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
