I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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