i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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