I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
