I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
