I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
