As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
