i jhust puked up my retainher.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you had me at cake vodka
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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