Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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