i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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