how can u be prego again
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
