This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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