Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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