Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
