He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
