Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
