Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
