I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
