I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
