Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
