We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
