Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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