Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You made out with two different species that night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
