Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oh god it's open bar.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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