i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
