Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I want to walk on stilts...naked
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize