I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Mom said you looked used
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
