Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
