I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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