Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
