You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
