she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize