Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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