even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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