problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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