did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
