My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
