Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
