....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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