we're blogging at a bar
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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