yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
