Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
