we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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