First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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