I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
