She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
