I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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