So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
