I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
