i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
