Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
