would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
