Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
