I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
