You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
