I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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